We have had to make an emergency trip back to the States because we have learned that my mother is on hospice care, suffering in the last stages of dementia. As we wrestled through the decision and how it is going to impact our ministry at the Cameroon Baptist Theological Seminary, I have spent some time reflecting on some of the “harder” sayings of Jesus found in the gospels.
Jesus says in Luke 14:26-27, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”
And, again, Jesus says in Luke 9:59-62, “To another he said, ‘Follow me.’ But he said, ‘Lord, let me first go and bury my father.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ Yet another said, ‘I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.’ Jesus said to him, ‘No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.’”
In returning to be with my family as my mother dies, have I put my hand to the plow and looked back? What does Jesus mean that I cannot be his disciple unless I “hate” my own father and mother and wife and children?
Well, I believe that Scripture, and especially Jesus, does not contradict itself (himself). These hard sayings should be interpreted and understood in light of other statements we have from Jesus.
Jesus condemns the Pharisees and scribes for breaking God’s command to honor parents in Matthew 15:3-6. “He answered them, ‘And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God commanded, “Honor your father and your mother,” and, “Whoever reviles father and mother must surely die.” But you say, “If anyone tells his father or his mother, What you would have gained from me is given to God, he need not honor his father.” So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God.’”
These Jewish religious leaders had a hunger for money and even went to the extent of selfishly withholding financially support from their parents. They would designate their money as “given to God,” with the thought that any money spent on themselves, as religious leaders, was spent for God. It was a really deceptive and greedy practice that dishonored and harmed their parents.
In this encounter, Jesus emphasizes that we are not to break God’s command to honor our parents. Part of honoring our parents is supporting them with what we have, whether it is financially or, as in my situation, with time and presence. Jesus’ call to discipleship is not a call to break God’s command to honor our parents.
What are we called to give up in following Jesus? I believe the clear message from Jesus in the Gospels is a call to give up a divided heart. Jesus says in Matthew 6:21 and 24, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also… No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” Jesus is making an application about money, but the principle about the master of one’s heart is true for anything that rules your heart. Jesus is the true king and he will share the allegiance of our hearts with no one or thing. This was his challenge to the rich young ruler, whose heart was captivated by his possessions (see Matthew 19:21-22). This was Jesus’ response to the Pharisees’ dishonoring of their parents (see the quote from Isaiah in Matthew 15:8). This was Jesus’ challenge to the potential disciples in Luke 9. If anyone is to follow Jesus, they need to give their whole heart to him. It is not a call to dishonor parents.
So I pray with the psalmist in Psalm 86:11, “unite my heart to fear your name.” I want an undivided heart in following Christ, wherever he leads, whether it is to Africa or to the bedside of my dying mother. While I do not fully understand all of God’s ways, I trust that his leading and plans are perfect.
